Teenage fashion issues

So, I’ve mentioned before that I’m not a particularly trendy person. I like classic looks, and a pair of black pants is the usual start of my outfits. Some of the currently trendy stuff is great, and I’ve been branching out a bit as I get more comfortable with my appearance, but for the most part, I dress for my job as a lawyer. I would look strange if, as a woman in my 30s, I started wearing clothes meant for teenagers. And even if I looked just fine, I wouldn’t feel comfortable dressing too outrageously.

However, last week I unexpectedly ended up with a Chinese exchange student living at my house. She’s 15, and absolutely adorable. But Chinese fashion is nothing like American fashion, and she needs a LOT of help in order to fit in with the girls at her new school. We’ve spent our days doing nothing but shop, and it’s hard to help her when I have no idea what she should get. So there’s been a lot of observing of teenage girls at the mall. I definitely feel like a creep while doing that! Haha. I do not understand how parents manage to raise girls – it’s all a bit overwhelming. (Sperry Topsiders are cool again?!) But at the same time, it’s been kind of fun to look for clothes for someone with a completely different body shape. For now, I’m just keeping my fingers crossed that I get it right.

Where should I buy my clothes?

I recently started a series of occasional reviews of online merchants who sell clothing in larger sizes. And, happily, I’ve come across a bit of extra money to continue the series. I have a few stores in mind, but I’m always looking for suggestions. What stores would you recommend I order from? Do you love any smaller retailers or etsy sellers? Let me know in the comments.

Thrift store finds

I was looking forward to this past weekend for a while. Sunday, everything at my favorite thrift store was 50% off for rewards card holders, and on Monday, everyone could take advantage of the sale. I went first thing Sunday morning, and was not disappointed. I got a bunch of cute stuff from Avenue and Lane Bryant, and had two fabulous finds: 100% merino wool tunics from Eileen Fisher, for $3.50 apiece! One is eggplant-colored with a turtleneck, and one is grey with a scoop neck. Both washed up nicely, and look brand new. I went back Monday night just to take a look, and a lot of new stuff had been added. I bought four Eileen Fisher sweaters for $2.00 – $5.00 each, and a pair of Cole Haan driving moccasins for just $4.00!

I do enjoy shopping, and love filling my online carts, but the deals I get at Savers make it tough to want to pay full price for anything, except possibly shoes, suits and lingerie. I have a closet full of stylish, expensive clothing, and all told, I probably paid less than $200 for it. I tend to prefer more conservative clothing, and thrift shopping is great for that. But, I’ve also been able to pick up some cute, trendy items without feeling bad about paying for something that will look silly in a year. And shopping at full-price stores is easier now, as I don’t have to worry about choosing one or two things that will match everything else I already own.

The thrift store shopping did add more fuel to the fire of my frustration with sizing. Four of the Eileen Fisher tops, as well as a sweater from J. Jill, are a size L. They all fit perfectly, which is amazing. (I know both brands run large, but usually XL works for me.) A Banana Republic shirt fit in an XL, which was surprising, as I never fit into anything from that store. A J.C. Penney winter coat fits perfectly in a 2X. One of the Avenue cardigans I picked up is a size 28, and it doesn’t look big at all. I understand it’s important to try everything on, and getting caught up in the size one wears is silly, but the lack of consistency makes it so difficult to order clothes online and be confident I won’t have to return anything. Avenue, in particular, worries me due to the size 28 cardigan fitting nicely!

Online Shopping Review #2: Cacique Bras!

I imagine most readers are familiar with Lane Bryant and Cacique, but I’m new to both stores. I was in dire need of new bras a few weeks ago, and took advantage of Cacique’s “Buy 2 Get 2″ sale. I’d never seen the bras in person, and I felt it was a bit of a risk to buy them without trying them on, but I’m glad I did!

The ordering process was painless. I chose four bras from Cacique, and was able to add two clearance bras from Fashion Bug to the same order, as there is a universal shopping cart. That was nice, as I wouldn’t have bought the Fashion Bug bras otherwise. I was able to get free shipping by having everything shipped to a nearby store. This, to me, is a big deal. I HATE shipping charges. I have abandoned many nice items in online shopping carts after going through checkout and seeing insultingly high shipping rates. Honestly, I might have thought twice about the Cacique purchase had the $7.95 shipping to my house been the only option. The coupon policy made me happy, too. So many stores don’t allow coupons to be used on sale or clearance items. But I found a coupon for 20% off Lane Bryant orders, and one for 20% off Fashion Bug orders. The ordering system allowed me to use both, which brought the total down to less than $70 for six bras.

The package arrived at Fashion Bug two days earlier than the estimate I was given in my order confirmation, and was a breeze to pick up at the store. Two of the bras I ordered, the Passion Lace Balconette and the Push Up Demi, were nice, but nothing special. They were cute and fit well, and I have no complaints, but I have nothing good or bad to say about them. The Passion Lace Plunge Bra was another story altogether. This may be the greatest bra I have ever owned. I ordered two of them, and I am so glad I did, because it’s going to be hard to wear anything else.

My first thought was to call this my “Look But Don’t Touch Bra”. There are small, removable air pads in the cups. I can’t feel or see them while wearing the bra, but when I touch the bottom of the cups, the pads make a weird crinkly sound. I’d be embarrassed to have someone else hear that! After putting the bra on, however, I decided to call it the “False Advertising Bra”. I have a C cup, and this bra makes them look like I have at least a D. Today, I’m wearing it and completely filling out a top that is usually too big. I happened to be wearing it the other day when I went to visit my mother. She was shocked when she saw the size of my chest, and proceeded to call me Dolly Parton for a few hours. I know to most people, a C is a good size, but I do like the large-busted look, and this bra gets me almost there.

This is me showing off cleavage like I’ve never had before. (The shirt and cardigan, which you can’t really see anyway, are both thrifted, and off the top of my head I don’t know the brands or sizes.)

I ordered this bra in pink and in black. I wore the black one the first day, and it was a bit uncomfortable. It rubbed in the middle, and felt like the lace was chafing my skin. After a few hours, it created a red mark on my chest. I was willing to live with that due to the “enhancing” qualities of the bra, but I’m wearing the pink one today, and there is no discomfort whatsoever. I am thinking about exchanging the black bra now I know the style can be comfortable.

Right now, I am extremely tempted to order four more of these while the Cacique sale is still going on. But, I’m resisting, as I don’t need any more bras now. And I have to be careful with my money – there are many other plus-sized stores to try, so I’m going to save my funds for further online shopping reviews.

In case anyone was wondering, the Fashion Bug bras were both crappy. I thought they’d be okay, as they seem to come from the same company. But neither of them look great or fit quite right. I’m going to keep both, as they are comfortable enough and there are plenty of times when a great bra is not necessary. But I will not be ordering any more bras from Fashion Bug.

*EDIT – After I scheduled this post, I ended up buying four more of the amazing bras. With coupons and the sale, my total cost was just $51. That is an awesome price and I decided it was completely worth it, after so many years of ugly lingerie.

Count your fashion blessings!

I haven’t seen a single fatshion blog that doesn’t at some point mention the lack of choice for plus sized clothing. I complain about it constantly. But we are quite lucky, living in the US.

For a bit more than a year, I lived in Finland. I still look upon that time as one of the happiest points in my life. But it was also one of the heaviest points in my life. I was super-healthy, and in great shape. But I weighed a lot, and clothing in my size was tough to find. There was one Lindex in Helsinki that I frequented because it had three racks of clothes in larger sizes. Needless to say, I quickly grew incredibly bored with the selection. But I didn’t speak Finnish very well, and the people I associated with weren’t fashionable types, so finding other sources for nice clothing was a challenge.

Once, I got up the nerve to approach a stylish woman and ask her where she shopped, but there was too great a language barrier to get any information. Another time, I went to Stockmann for a personal shopping service. The woman was lovely, but she had trouble finding anything in my size. I ended up paying an exorbitant amount of money for what seemed to be the only two pairs of pants in my size in the entire store. I only liked one of the pairs, and I ruined them just a few weeks later when I sat on some gum on a bus seat. One day, I would like to live again in Helsinki. But when that time comes, I’ll make sure to lose 50 pounds before getting on the plane.

So, things aren’t as bad for us as they could be. But we all like to complain. Tell me your stories about trying to find clothes that fit. I’d like to commiserate!

A few thoughts on shapewear

To many body-positive bloggers, products like Spanx and Flexees are an insult to women of any size. The products encourage one to hide “imperfections” in an attempt to live up to beauty standards that are unrealistic. Instead of learning to love one’s body, one can simply squish the fat away, and become a beautiful, slender, confident woman. Because, of course, only thin woman can be desirable and happy with themselves. (Most of the blog posts with the “shapewear” tag seem to follow this line of thinking.)

However, I am a big fan of shapewear for two reasons. First, I genuinely find it comfortable. I tend to avoid it during the summer, but as long as it’s not too warm out, I like the constricted, squished feeling. I don’t like tight clothes, but shapewear is comforting. Plus, I was injured in a car accident last year, and the support helps my back feel better. I know many women feel differently about the comfort of compression garments, but I also like to sleep under blankets so heavy I can barely move. I must have been tightly swaddled as a baby!

Second, I am a weird body shape. I’m an extreme apple with a relatively small chest, and there aren’t a lot of clothes cut specifically for people like me. Shapewear allows me to fit in to certain styles that otherwise wouldn’t look good. A girdle creates a tiny hint of a waist which allows me to wear tunics and dresses without looking like I bought something that doesn’t fit. Without my Flexees, I’d have to buy some shirts a size larger, which would make them look baggy at the top even when they fit at the bottom. Pants that fit everywhere except the waist are more comfortable, too – those few millimeters make a huge difference. I have no illusions that my shapewear will make me look like I wear a size 12, but it’s a relief to have more options when I go shopping.

I’ve linked below to a few blog posts that take to task stores such as Lane Bryant that sell various constricting undergarments. The bloggers are eloquent and interesting, and point out that shapewear is not necessarily the best product to market to women who may already have body image issues. (I wish I could have found more links, but haven’t had luck so far.) What are your thoughts on Spanx-style products? Do you see any valid reasons for women to purchase them? Or are they simply another roadblock on the path to self-esteem?

Adipose Rex – An Open Letter to Lane Bryant

Happy Bodies - Stepping Outside the Beauty Industry -or- I hate your corporate “love your body” campaign

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

I’m always surprised when I see articles about the “obesity epidemic” that claim some percentage of overweight people do not realize they are fat. I don’t see how it’s possible to go through life blissfully unaware of one’s size. I can see how people in the overweight category think they are within “normal” range, and even some obese people. After all, as one of my favorite sites shows, we all carry our weight differently. (Please follow this link if you haven’t seen the photographic height/weight chart before – it’s amazing!) But once a person, like me, hits the “morbidly obese” category, it’s pretty hard to ignore if one is being honest with oneself. Even if a person goes through life not suffering at all from fat discrimination, size is quite obvious when looking for clothes. So, I am left wondering how so many people don’t realize the medical community sees them as having a problem. But, I’ll leave that question for the scientists and psychologists.

I do identify as fat, morbidly obese, plus-sized, large, what have you. But that’s not what I see when I look in the mirror. Instead, I see a female with hopes, dreams and worries. I see a lawyer who really hates having to put on an unfashionable suit to go to court. I see a person who tries to treat everyone with respect, and who is very sensitive to certain types of criticism. I see a white woman who grew up with relative privilege, who still struggles to remain aware of all the benefits that come along with that. I see someone who wouldn’t mind being in a relationship, but is happy because she has a great family, great friends, and a loving dog. I see a 32-year-old with a lot of growing up to do, who has come a long way in the past few years. I see someone I like.

What do strangers see when they look at me? I suspect most just see a fat person, and all the stereotypes that accompany that descriptor. It’s shameful that we have been dehumanized to the point that many large women are filled with self-loathing. Fat Heffalump has created a fabulous blog that helps counter anti-fat attitudes, and her recent posts have been so inspiring. I’d recommend her writings to anyone struggling to see they are worthy, no matter their weight or their perception of their bodies.

Online Shopping Review #1: eShakti

I finally found my camera. It was in a place where I looked at least ten times in the past few months, of course. Unfortunately, I now can’t find the battery charger – this is the first camera I’ve owned that doesn’t take AA batteries, and now I remember why I was hesitant to purchase this one. But I borrowed an older one in the meantime. The pictures are a bit better, but not by much, and I’m still looking forward to using mine!

Anyway… this is the first of a series of occasional online purchase reviews. As all plus-sized women know, it’s significantly easier to find stylish, well-fitting clothing online than it is at the mall. But it can be nerve-wracking to spend money on a new brand without ever having tried it on. So, I am periodically going to order apparel from stores I have never tried before, and review it here.

A number of plus-sized bloggers have been asked to do eShakti reviews, and I was excited by what I saw. There were tons of cute styles to choose from, and all the bloggers I saw looked great. So, I placed an order. There was a sale, free shipping, and a $20 credit for new customers, so I picked out a cute wrap dress similar to this one but with long sleeves, and an overstock Follow the Swallows dress in 18W. I provided my height and bra size, but did not do any customization. The ordering process itself was straightforward, though a bit annoying. For some reason, whenever I put one item in the shopping cart, the other disappeared. It took about six tries, but I finally got everything in one cart and ordered. There was a good amount of communication after I placed the order. I was told when each item was ready to ship, and each dress arrived sooner than the estimate, despite coming from India.

While I’ve complained about sizing before, I’ve never had trouble fitting into a 18W. When it doubt, that’s always the first size I grab, because it might be a bit big, but it is never too small. So I was shocked to find the Follow the Swallows dress so tight that I could not get it over my chest. And my C-cup chest is not particularly large! (Yes, I undid the buttons AND used the zipper.) The dress is gorgeous, and looks nicely made, but I can’t even wear it and pretend it fits. It just won’t go on to my body.

Despite the disappointment with the Follow the Swallows dress, I had high hopes for the wrap dress, also a size 18W, which arrived in a separate shipment a few days later. I knew it had been made with at least my bra measurements in mind, and I generally look good in wrap-style clothing. Unfortunately, this dress was another disappointment. It seems fairly well made, though there is an odd bit of gathering on the right hip. It’s also exactly the color I expected. But it is one of the most unflattering things I have ever worn. The dress ties in a spot that seems the perfect place to accentuate my belly and my lack of hips. And no matter how I adjust the dress, the spot where the wrap goes through the fabric gapes and shows off my skin. It’s extremely comfortable, and a good length, so I might look for ways to wear it with a cardigan or under a sweater, but overall, I do not like it at all. Photos follow below the cut, because I’m so uncomfortable with the look that I don’t want them to show up on the main page!

Last cell phone OOTD

Today is the last mirror shot outfit of the day taken with my phone. I still haven’t found my camera, but I borrowed one from a friend in the meantime. This was a work outfit that I ended up wearing on the weekend, as it’s so comfortable. Interestingly, tracking my outfits in this way makes me want to be a bit more adventurous in my clothing. I like what I wear, and I think it flatters me. But I’ve noticed I tend to wear very drab colors. It may be time to seek out some more exciting things to add to my wardrobe. If anyone has any suggestions, I’d appreciate it!

OOTD all thrifted

I really need to find my camera! My iPhone usually takes good pictures, but mirror shots, aside from being bad in general, seem to come out incredibly grainy. But, despite the fact that my photography won’t win any awards, posting photos is a liberating feeling. I spent so long avoiding the camera, and it’s a big step for me to take pictures without concern for whether or not I “look fat”. I am fat, but I still look good!